I’d like to start off by clarifying my stance that Valentine’s Day is a holiday for women.
Somewhere along the way a group of you got together with Hallmark, Warner Brother’s and that guy that wrote The Notebook and ripped out its original intention which was to celebrate “the relationship.” I’m not complaining; I really don’t care. Just know that I know it happened.
To me, this is the easiest holiday for a husband to prepare for. As long as you do something, anything, no matter how unsuccessful it turns out, you still get credit.
Throw on a decent shirt, pop open a cheap bottle of red and burn the hell out of your crappy mac and cheese. You’ll still get a smile and a kiss on the cheek for trying. And while all of that is great and it’s always nice to have a day where your wife isn’t ripping you apart for not paying enough attention to her, there are some next level activities to make Valentine’s Day the most memorable day of her year.
A Husband’s Guide to a Successful Valentine’s Day
Nothing too fancy. If your wife is expecting diamonds in the middle of February tell her to go get married again. Proof is in the pudding and the sentimental play here is to make your own card. She doesn’t want to share the same moments that 6,000 other women shared with their crappy husbands so take the time to do it yourself.
Last Valentine’s Day I spent an entire afternoon cutting out Ron Swanson’s greatest romantic quotes and pasting them on a manila folder. Follow that up with a solid five sentence paragraph about how beautiful she is and how much you love her. Sexual undertone’s preferred but that’s really on a case by case basis.
Flowers? Yes, you must get flowers, but expand the flavor past the boring red roses that you bought from the street vendor. Do what I do… Give a price range and always defer to the florist. Just make sure you know exactly what they are before giving them to your wife. She will definitely ask.
Finally, skip the chocolates and do your best to remember her favorite dessert. It’s a win-win. She gets her preference and you don’t have to spend the next four days listening to her complain about the chocolates that she can’t put down and are making her feel fat.
The lighter the better. Just because you only know how to overcook ground beef and microwave pizza, doesn’t mean you can’t google, “I’m an idiot and don’t know how to make Salmon. Help!” If you’re going to splurge on anything, make it the wine. It’ll end up being the most consistent taste of the evening anyway, and if you drink a lot of it, you’re less likely to be hung over with an expensive bottle.
Sorry… I offer no suggestions on how to avoid you’re wife picking an absolutely horrible movie. It’s romantic comedy or romantic vampires, or some variation of the two of those categories together. Drink a lot of wine, offer her a shoulder to lie on and hit the snooze button for two hours. If she picks her head up just say, “I can’t believe that just happened,” as firmly as possible. No comeback for that.
Avoid your primal nature, take care of business and make sure you spend at least 15 seconds recognizing how lucky you are to have tricked this girl into marrying you.
Any other husbands (or wives) want to chime in with some more tips for a successful Valentine’s Day? You can also check out my Food Page or Yummy Dinner Recipes Pinterest Board for recipe ideas!
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